When the honeymoon is over, what's next?
Photo courtesy Kristie Moss Photography
The wedding cake is gone, the gifts are unwrapped
and the honeymoon is over. All that remains is time
and all eternity.
American author Jenkins Lloyd Jones once wrote
in a column: "There seems to be the superstition
among many who hold hands and smooch in the
drive-ins that marriage is a cottage ... in which a
perpetually young handsome husband comes home to
a perpetually young and ravishing wife."
Many, including professors on the BYU-Idaho
campus, have passed through that portal and have
found their surroundings to be much different.
"Happily ever after is a lot of work. Disney shows
us how to get married but not how to live together
after" said Anne Papworth, a professor in the
Department of English.
Most couples come from situations where
they were primarily looking after themselves. For
some couples, living with a new person can take
some adjusting.
"Individuals get used to doing things their way"
said Chris Allison, a professor in the Department of
Religious Education. "It's always somewhat of an
adjustment after marriage to put in the needs of the
spouse often before your own."
It may sometimes be easier to point out the
inadequacies than to correct them.
"Overcoming selfishness can be a bit of a
challenge" said Michael Paul, a professor in the
Department of Foreign Language.
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Paul recalled being newly married and living in an
apartment in China. He had a discussion with his wife
about cleaning the apartment, a discussion that ended
in the decision to hire a maid to avoid any problems.
Paul said that over time he-and his wife have found
the best way for them to handle problems.
" [Some] things become more important and [some]
less important" he said.
One of the big traps newlyweds find themselves in
is the financial crunch.
"You don't have to make lots of money to be
happy. I have found that if you want the Lord's
blessings in your finances, live the Lord's law of
financing" Allison said.
Allison also mentioned the importance of
discussing matters before marriage, such as when
family prayer, family scripture study and family home
evening will begin.
"When do they start?" Allison said. "Not when
children come along — it ought to begin right away."
Despite challenges that are inherent in marriage,
many professors feel that their decision to marry in
the temple is the foundation to a successful marriage.
"It's really great having been married in the
temple. It's nested and grounded in covenants, and
the best thing a couple can do is go to the temple and
reflect on the covenants made" said John Thomas, a
professor in the Department of Religious Education.
Brian Jackson
scroll staff
A T H E M M I N G V I L L A GE
Ftrepit, horseshoe pits
and barbeque grills.
