PANACEA FOR POLYGAMY.
An Eastern genius has discovered a natural way for solving the Mormon problem, and it really does seem that after all the pother about it by statesmen and moralists, that a common newspaper itemizer has at least suggested a way by which polygamy must disappear from natural causes. The fashion plate is the pana-cea. When the Mormon elders went forth to preach the doctrines of their church, they found more ready converts in females from their impressible nature, and as they flocked to the promised land on the American Jordan their numbers in excess of the males called for a new dispensation. Isolated from the world and compelled to practice economy and frugal-ity, generally coming from the laboring classes, these women were not expensive in their habits, but were capable of supporting them-selves. They became a source of wealth in-stead of a bill of expense, and a man could marry them by the dozen at a time without any fear of being swamped by dry-goods and milli-nery bills. House room was all that these pio-neer ladies required except a small amount of stock each in a Mormon corporation, which the Christian world will maintain is not of the soulless kind. But times are changing even in Mormondom. The Mormon ladies have the passion for dress that is inherent in the sex. Gentile silks and poplins, frills and furbelows, are witching things. Salt Lake ladies, even of the most saintly sort, hanker after them, and will have them. Gradually a ribbon, an apron, a bonnet, and a new dress, with some approximation to style, makes its appearance even in the harem. The disease is catching, and when it becomes badly con-tagious, wo to polygamy, for no Mormon will be able to support more than one wife, any more than a Gentile, when the fashion-plate is admired and worshiped among Mormon women as it is by their Gentile sisters. So our moralist missionaries have only to send salva-tion to the heathens of Mormondom, not in the shape of Colfax's speeches or in the person of that Methodist doctor of divinity from Wash-ington, but fashion-plates in the hands of fair colporteurs dressed in the highest style of Parisian art, followed by young counter- jumpers with their hair parted in the middle, supplied with reformatory lace, satins, loves of bonnets, rat-skin gloves, high-heeled shoes, shawls, parasols and Lubin's extracts. Thus shall the salacious sultans of the Great Salt Lake valley be glad to embrace the truth that one wife is all that he can afford, if not all that he ought to have.
